In Memoriam Lee Kuan Yew

He wept for a nation 50 years ago. 
50 years later the nation weeps for him.

In the wake of Mr Lee Kuan Yew's passing, there has been a flurry of obituaries and messages of condolence (not to mention criticisms and hate messages) for the founder and architect of modern Singapore. Some people genuinely felt what they said while others merely jumped on the bandwagon (I knew because I was one of the latter). Either way, what I spotted were the overuse of adjectives, overplay of emotions and lack of factual support. For all I know, I might've been reading codes and riddles tagged with #rememberingLKY #thankyouLKY #noYewnous #sg50

Curious, I researched about and read up on Mr Lee, ending up writing a piece on him myself. I hesitated between posting it today (the day he'll be laid to rest) and leaving it in the drafts folder to ferment. On the one hand, it captured some angles missed by other columnists and pseudo-experts. On the other hand, I thought, why bother? I'm not related to Mr Lee. I'm not his biographer. Heck, I'm not even Singaporean. There's already a burgenoning niche in publishing dedicated to studying him and his life's work, so it's not necessary to add mine to the pile. Plus, even if I put up my piece, who knows I might get a slap on the wrist or face the full weight of the law? 

Nevertheless, the demise of the giant calls for a few words in his memory. I don't fancy his style of cut-and-dried, choppy and laconic sentences, but I'll make an exception here and just keep it simple:

Rest in peace, Mr Lee Kuan Yew. You left Singapore in a better state than you found it. There will never be another person quite like you. You will be remembered, always.

"Come, it's time to go."
Artwork © Ashley Virgilious Leong

Here's a Whitman classic that I think is fitting for the occasion (it's a wonder no one has used this gem as a tribute to LKY):

O Captain! My Captain! our fearful trip is done;
The ship has weather'd every rack, the prize we sought is won;

The port is near, the bells I hear, the people all exulting,

While follow eyes the steady keel, the vessel grim and daring:

   But O heart! heart! heart!

      O the bleeding drops of red,

        Where on the deck my Captain lies,

          Fallen cold and dead.

O Captain! My Captain! rise up and hear the bells;

Rise up—for you the flag is flung—for you the bugle trills;

For you bouquets and ribbon'd wreaths—for you the shores a-crowding;

For you they call, the swaying mass, their eager faces turning;

    Here captain! dear father!

      This arm beneath your head;

        It is some dream that on the deck,

          You've fallen cold and dead.

My Captain does not answer, his lips are pale and still;

My father does not feel my arm, he has no pulse nor will;

The ship is anchor'd safe and sound, its voyage closed and done;

From fearful trip, the victor ship, comes in with object won;

    Exult, O shores, and ring, O bells!

      But I, with mournful tread,

        Walk the deck my captain lies,

          Fallen cold and dead.

Kill Me, Heal Me

[ Spoiler Alert!: Don't read any further if you hate spoilers. ] 

Pic credits: MBC

When I first saw a poster for the drama, "Kill Me, Heal Me", I thought it was Joo Won (from "Good Doctor") and naturally I sampled the first episode. The drama started out fairly strong by laying a solid groundwork: third-generation rich guy, mental illness, family feud and a hidden past. All explained within a few flashbacks using photographs and newspaper clippings.

To be honest, I wasn't persuaded (at first) by Ji Sung's portrayal of our male lead and I kept wondering why his hair was styled like a Japanese. His age definitely showed, and I thought the producers/directors were taking a risk casting an older and not-so-conventionally-good-looking actor in this drama. (Oh, how wrong I was, and how my opinions have changed since episode 1!) However, Ji Sung was set to portray seven different characters spawn out of his main role Cha Do-hyun's dissociative identity disorder (DID, commonly known as multiple personality disorder). I realised that the drama could play with different genres using DID as its framework, so based on this potential I watched a little more. Then Hwang Jung-eum made her grand entrance as Oh Ri-jin: energetic, mad, crazy! She stole the show and that was when I decided to continue watching the drama.

What I liked about the drama:

Pic credits: MBC

• Cha Do-hyun, Oh Ri-jin and Oh Ri-on. Can we please have some applause for the actors and actress who played these three (or nine) characters? What doubts I had earlier (for casting Ji Sung) now turned into admiration of his acting skills and his abandon of his image. Whether taking on the roles of bad boy Se-gi, fangirl Yoo-na, suicidal teenager Yoo-seob or middle-aged bomb expert Perry, Ji Sung executed them all flawlessly. His facial expression, the look in his eyes and his body language changed for each character, making him more convincing than just a simple swap of clothing, makeup and hairstyle. Hwang Jung-eum did a great job as well, playing a sassy and strong woman with sporadic moments of quiet contemplation. One could laugh, cry and root for her. Ri-on was originally playful and funny, but he became more serious and protective of his sister as the story went on. The chemistry between Do-hyun and Ri-jin, as well as the playful yet trusting relationship between Ri-jin and Ri-on were highlights of the drama.
• Minimal use of background music. If you have watched enough Korean dramas, you would know that they usually would incorporate a long list of songs by various artists from the Korean music industry. Sometimes these lyrical music fit with the story and the particular scene, but most of the times I find them distracting: am I to pay attention to the lyrics or the dialogue/scene? In "Kill Me, Heal Me," there weren't too many lyrical music and they were suitably placed, making it just nice to follow the story. I was also glad that there were short, scene-matching tunes in the drama that brought out specific moods: playful, funny, sad or serious...
• Scattered puzzle pieces that finally fit together. The scriptwriter masterfully created the Shin Se-gi character, an amalgam of Do-hyun's father, Do-hyun's darker side and Do-hyun's splintered self. Do-hyun's granny was an enigma from the start, just like the Queen Dowager from "Moon Embracing the Sun" (coincidentally...or not, both characters were played by actress Kim Young-ae). Se-gi and Do-hyun's granny were interesting characters to watch because they evolved from being mere antagonists to being key pieces in solving the birth secret.

What I disliked about the drama:

Pic credits: MBC

• Unequal time for supporting characters and their under-development. In the beginning of the drama, almost all characters were given some screen time so we could see who they were, where their place in the story was and how they could develop. However, as DID and our main characters took centre stage halfway through the drama, it was as if the supporting cast was neglected. Their character development became stagnant, and questions popped up in my mind. Did Ri-on's parents worry about her step-daughter? If so, what were the issues? What about the grandmother? What was she planning? What dilemma was she in? The antagonists appeared paper-thin weak because they were not given much development. I would have loved to see more of their cunning, evil plotting. Besides, the love triangle between Ri-jin, Ri-on and Do-hyun, while creative and refreshing, did not give enough air time for Ri-on to tell his side of the story until the end of the drama where it was hastily recounted in short dialogues and flashbacks.
• Switching scenes and changing times. I don't know if anyone else has noticed this peculiar detail, but it bugged me that there were times when one scene switched to another, for instance in telephone conversations where we were alternately shown the caller's and receiver's perspectives, the time of the day seemed inconsistent. Like it would be super bright in one scene, but nightfall in the other. The characters were in the same time zone!
• Pace of the story. The drama started off with a bang, then fizzled out, only to pick up steam again. Towards the middle of the story, the pace slowed down and was dragging its feet. Repetitive and redundant flashbacks were shown without much progress to the story. I thought the last few episodes were heavy with details, as if the scriptwriter rushed to explain everything and unveil the past at last. It would be better if hints of childhood trauma,  the core of the story, were dropped earlier on and laid out inconspicuously.
• Ri-jin's downfall. Ri-jin was originally a bright, sunny and helpful person. In school she scored the top grades and she made it to psychiatry school (at one time she was going for further studies at Johns Hopkins!) However, her doctor/patient relationship with Do-hyun, which later morphed into a painful romantic entanglement, seemed to have diminished her into a teary mess and a damsel in distress. It was a rather disappointing turn of character development because I thought she would have the resources and strength to face her dark past, seeing as she was so fiery and combative in the beginning of the drama.

Thoughts:

Pic credits: MBC

• I like the fact that the Korean television drama industry has taken up mental illness (a taboo subject in Asian countries), dissected it and made it understandable to the layperson. From "Good Doctor" (Asperger's syndrome/autism) to "It's OK, It's Love" (obsessive-compulsive disorder, schizophrenia, Tourette syndrome) to "Kill Me, Heal Me" as well as "Hyde, Jekyll, Me" (dissociative identity disorder, or DID), there were scriptwriters and actors who were willing to handle this sensitive topic and venture into an uncharted territory in television drama. However, they differed in how they presented mental disorders and how accurate their portrayal was. So far, mental disorders have been over-dramatised and limited to characters coming from high socioeconomic status group (the chaebols). Do-hyun, in "Kill Me, Heal Me", had six other identities/self-states. Six! How could he still be alive and functioning? I don't think I've ever read any real-life cases like this. Totally blown out of proportion, but I understand it was for entertainment purposes. It took guts (and skills) to treat such a heavy topic in a light-handed yet convincing way. Over-dramatised, yes, but still believable, because there was a plot, chemistry between the leads and top-notch acting chops.
• I was somewhat disappointed that the cast and crew didn't fully utilise DID. It could potentially reinvent the way Korean drama is narrated. For far too long, television dramas have been sorted neatly into categories: romance, comedy, medical, action, etc. With DID, one could spin and twist a "normal" story so many different ways, doing away with conventional storytelling. Perhaps it was too much of an expectation for one of the first Korean dramas dealing with DID. Furthermore, it seemed to me that "Kill Me, Heal Me" dealt more with healing (and the attendant struggles) than with family feud or love triangles. Who knows, in the future other people might take up DID as a storytelling device and use it in ingenious ways.
• Childhood experiences and children's upbringing formed a major part of this drama. Although both Do-hyun and Ri-jin psychologically suffered from child abuse, their experiences after the fire were drastically different, leading to the formation of their current outlook in life and personality. Do-hyun lived in regret, guilt and self-condemnation since surviving the fire. He battled with DID for many years and had few friends due to the disruptive nature of DID. This alienation from family and friends no doubt sustained, if not worsened, his disorder. In contrast, Ri-jin, who was physically and psychologically maltreated by Do-hyun's father, started anew after the fire. She was raised by her step-family in a loving and supportive environment, which was beneficial to her healing. Most of us overlook just how powerful our past experiences were in shaping who we are today. I think this drama would send a message to parents about the importance of providing their children with a nurturing yet structured environment. 
• I now realised that there is a common pattern in Korean dramas (excluding makjangs): when a sad scene is shown where you get to see the lead characters cry their lungs out, the next scene will be funny, or at least lighthearted. I saw this combination in "The Heirs," in that scene where Choi Young-do was told to put his phone and his eyebrows down. I think it was intended to cheer the audience up, after watching some pitifully saddening turn of events in the main characters' love life. I didn't understand the rationale for sad scenes segueing into awkwardly funny scenes, but I began to appreciate this combo in "Kill Me, Heal Me." The bulk of the drama was focused on opening old wounds and moving on tentatively to healing, which can be an emotionally draining experience for the audience. Having some mad, crazy and funny moments balances out the negativity and gloom. After all, isn't life a composition of light and shadows?
• Rating: four out of five stars. In my opinion, "Kill Me, Heal Me" was a good drama, with an interesting premise and strong cast (at least, for the leads), but it was still lacking in some key areas like character development of supporting cast and story pace.

Last Day of CNY 2015

Losing my maternal grandmother exactly one week before this year's Lunar New Year was a peculiar experience. Still is. You might think that since I've studied psychology, I would know how to deal with grief and loss, but there really is a wide gap between theory and practice. Take the Five Stages of Grief, for example. I didn't experience it by stages - sometimes the feelings just knocked me down out of the blue without giving me any time to identify what they were. Throw into the mix the confusion of Chinese New Year taboos for someone who's mourning: should I refrain from celebrating? Should I wear all black? 

We've been told to wear any colour except red. I thought wearing black was too extreme, so I chose white, blue and pale yellow as my palette this year. My family and I limited our house visits to our own extended family. I just went with the flow: talking, smiling, joking, playing cards, eating, drinking. I figured that I would be disrespectful to my relatives if I moped around with long faces and sulky expressions.

I read about how I passed my CNY last year, and my heart lightened when I remembered that I attended that potluck dinner - the very last time when almost everybody in the family turned up. I am so glad that I made it, even though I was crazily busy with assignments that were tough to crack. A cousin compiled some pictures that were taken at that night and made them into a photo book. We received a copy a few days ago. It was surreal, looking at those photos wherein my grandma posed so demurely, and it felt like only yesterday. I also saw candid shots of myself, staring seriously at some unseen object. If only I knew then, what I know now.

Although house visits and gatherings were limited, I did venture out of house. On CNY eve, I made some last minute shopping for new clothes. I bought some long sleeve shirts for job interviews and work at a price that made me smile so broadly. Even as I tried those shirts on, I couldn't help but feel an inward burst of joy and later, a bit of guilt. Here I was, browsing through clothes and trying them on, getting excited at the low price, whereas some few hundred kilometres up north my grandma was lying six feet underground. Sigh. It's never easy letting someone go. I guess I'd have to do it a few thousand times before it really counts.

More recently, I took public transport four out of the past seven days. One was for a job interview in the city, and the other three were focused on getting my phone repaired. I stopped by for a movie, a browse through a bookstore and some visits to fashion outlets. Not so much to entertain myself as to get rid of the negativity that has been gathering, thick and viscous, in me. It was pretty refreshing to walk around so much in parts of the city that I seldom visited. Of course, any trip on the public transport would be incomplete for me without a stranger asking me for directions of some sort. I guess I have that knowledgeable and helpful appearance that is just so endearing to strangers. Or maybe it was my gait: long, powerful and purposeful strides through the crowd, no matter how alien that place is to me. (OK, just kidding.)

As the CNY draws to a quiet (and drizzly) end, I would like to thank my friends for supporting me (you know who you are). It means a lot to me to have your support - no matter how small a gesture is, know that I do notice and am grateful for it. Happy Chap Goh Meh.