《轉學生》

鄰座的他又露出窘迫的神情了。

這也難怪，老師這次出的題目對他是難了點。於是冬森挨了過去，耐心地解釋給他聽。

記得年中假期過後回來的第一天，他爸爸媽媽帶著他來到班上。老師說是轉學生時，同學群中像突然發生的海浪那樣響起了好奇的竊竊私語，畢竟所有一年級生童稚的眼裡只看到爸爸媽媽兩位大人站在眼前，哪來的轉學生？

還是爸爸轉身，硬把躲在身後的他給拽了出來，他這才帶著一直想要鑽回爸爸背後的羞澀神情向大家點頭。

“嘖，他跟我們是不一樣的。”坐在冬森右邊的陳忠明嘟囔得有點大聲。

冬森聽了覺得有點不舒服，覺得愛欺負人的陳忠明才是跟大家不一樣的。新的轉學生、冬森還有班上其他同學都是一邊的，只有陳忠明在高牆的另一邊，連聲音都像是半夜鄰居的狗吠聲，讓人討厭。

為了給轉學生安排位子，老師趁機調動了班裡好幾人的座位。他從這排調動到那排，她從前面調到倒 數第二排，愛玩的他從角落靠門那邊調到了老師正前面，本來在老師正前面的乖學生調到了角落靠門那邊。過程中冬森不斷暗暗祈禱老師會把陳忠明調走，但老師沒 有。最後倒是轉學生給安排到了他的左邊。

過後他也漸漸明白了轉學生給安排在他鄰座的原因。老師開始教課後，轉學生的神情開始困惑，老師給練習題後一直盯著作業簿發呆。班上第一名的冬森忍不住湊了過去，一題一題地開始解釋了起來。

冬森很喜歡看著轉學生的表情從困惑轉為恍然大悟然後是充滿感激的快樂笑容。

接下來的日子他們像攜手走在路上的兄弟倆。冬森總是能夠很敏感地快速捕捉到他每一個困惑的表 情。他不明白甚麼，冬森就解釋甚麼，常常解釋到興起還會補上一兩個故事或笑話。從冬森那裡，他明白了課文上關於太陽公公每天早上爬上山，傍晚又會爬下山的 習慣，還知道了課本上沒有提及過的，中國古代曾經出現十個太陽，最後遭勇士把其中九個射下來的故事。

從冬森那裡，他瞭解到了幾顆榴槤被拿走，又補多幾顆的話會發生甚麼事。冬森又讓他認識了中國曾經有個船長來到了馬來西亞，大解完後把糞便用報紙一包掛在樹上，就成了榴槤。

直到有一天，老師問說二十四個蘋果拿掉七個還剩幾個時，他比冬森更快喊出十七。冬森轉頭發現他也望著自己，兩人笑了起來，就像陽光均勻地分配在了兩人的臉上。

冬森媽媽是不給冬森零用錢的，只準備了便當讓冬森在休息節時享用。

那天冬森休息節時因為肚子痛去上了趟廁所而遲進課室，回到座位時發現桌上躺著五、六顆糖果。

轉學生笑著說謝謝。他這才知道他常在休息節時瞄著那些糖果吞唾液，竟都讓他看在眼裡了。這不由得讓他心底有一陣感動。然而這時陳忠明的手竟從旁邊伸了過來，把三顆他最喜歡的橙口味都拿掉了，然後手才縮回他世界的牆裡。

冬森轉頭厭惡地瞪了一下卻不敢發作，轉回頭時看見轉學生已把一顆糖果的包裝紙打開，遞給了他。

冬森把糖果接過，也開了一顆遞給他。顧不得前面大家懼怕的道德教育老師還在說著各民族要融洽相處的課文，兩人就這麼偷偷吃了起來。

後來班長的生日會時，轉學生在大家面前以烏克麗麗彈了首歌慶祝，從此老師不在課室時他桌前總聚滿了人，他也沒了一開始的羞澀。冬森不常教他功課了，因為他已漸漸掌握，且願意教他的人也很多了。他們更多是在聊跟上課沒甚麼關係的天。

就在一年級臨近結束的時候，華文老師給了幾道造句的問題，冬森耐心地一個一個解釋那些題目給轉學生聽。然而就在老師批改好所有同學的造句練習後，老師驚訝地告訴全班有一道題大家的答案竟十分相似：“朋友”一題，全班除了陳忠明，所給的答案都是“我最喜歡的朋友是阿里”。

至於阿里，那位巫裔同學，則沒有下寫任何的文字，而是用鉛筆畫了好多頭像給老師。老師交還作業簿時冬森跟阿里借了來看，他發現左上角那個戴著眼鏡，瀏海向旁邊梳，還畫得真像自己呢。

【星洲日報／文藝春秋 ‧ 文： 李晉揚】

My CNY 2014: Bits & Pieces

First day of CNY, taken in the wee hours

Fifteen days of Chinese New Year (CNY) celebrations ended just yesterday, which coincidentally was also Valentine's Day (well, for those who celebrate it). Yesterday I wore a button-up shirt (with the sleeves rolled up), blue khaki pants and dress shoes because I had a group presentation. My friends saw me and asked me, with a smile, why was I dressed so "formally". Well, I played around with my answer, rather than telling them straight that my group was presenting. I think what I wore was smart casual (casual Friday was what I had in mind) and it so happened that our presentation was scheduled on yesterday (of all days!) but if they wanted to think otherwise ... I let them. :P

Yesterday was also the due date for our Abnormal Psychology's essay assignment. I couldn't be happier when I submitted my essay. It was a case study which demanded much of my time and effort. I even brought a book I borrowed from the library, my journal articles and my notes to my uncle's house when we had a potluck dinner last Sunday. Originally I had no mood at all to attend that gathering (and I'd already declined going to two other gatherings) but I got stuck, unable to write anything and was so frustrated with myself. I changed my mind last minute and decided to go have some family time. Almost every one of the relatives on my mother's side was present, except for those in Singapore who had to go to work or school the next day (Monday). We even had family photos taken. It would be really inappropriate of me to miss the gathering. My change of heart turned out to be a right decision, though I had to explain to some of my relatives why I was walking around with a book ("wah so hardworking!", "wah must you be like that owh?" etc).

I wished my new year wasn't full of books and assignments, but my uni had only three and a half days off (including the weekend). Plus, I'd already slacked off in the first week when I made that unexpected trip to Singapore. I've been lazy for most of January too. I could've skipped some classes, but the price was too high for me to pay. So by the fifth day of CNY I was already back in uni. Such is life (what a nerd).

That said, I did have fun in between rushing assignments and visiting relatives. While we were having dinner with my father's relatives, a waitress served me wine. I was delighted. You have no idea how long I've waited for this moment. Although some cousins of mine had their first sip of alcohol when they were about fourteen-, fifteen-ish, I purposely avoided touching alcohol out of consideration that my prefrontal cortex was still developing. Now that I've finally had my first wine, I must say my anticipation was overrated.

Well, it was nearby, so we paid it a visit before dinner.

Little horses ...

More horses!

This was the first glass. Momentous!

I don't have the experience or vocabulary to give a proper review of the wine I had, but I'll try describing them. The first glass was sweet and fruity. The second one was from another bottle; it was slightly dry and not sweet at all. Whenever I drank from my glass, my older cousin seated on my left would watch me hold and swirl my glass of wine. I thought he'd comment on how it was wrong to hold the glass by the bowl rather than the stem, but he said nothing. I refrained from drinking too often so that I wouldn't show just how inexperienced I was (still am).

There was this one other incident which got me very worked up. My mum, on hearing that a cousin's naughty behaviours decreased after his name was changed by a nun, discussed the possibility of changing my name. If you're a follower on my Twitter, you would probably have seen my tweet:

"I don't believe in horoscope, zodiacs, palm-reading, face-reading etc. And of course I don't believe in changing 'luck' by changing name."

Now, a brief explanation of this Chinese practice is in order. Some Chinese (in fact, lots of them) are convinced that a person's fate or destiny in this life depends on his/her time of birth and also the five elements: metal, wood, water, fire, earth. If a Chinese baby has too little of a certain element, then that element will be added to his or her name as a compensation. Many Chinese do believe in this and to them, the naming of a newborn must not be taken lightly. 

In my case, even the thought of changing the name that I've been using for so long was is very unsettling. Absurd. Crazy. In no way I would change it. I'm prepared to defend it, whatever the cost may be. Somehow my mum dropped the issue (thankfully), but in case it is brought up again, my stand is clear: I absolutely won't change my name.

The morning after a long, sleepless night thinking about my name/identity crisis, I went to a few shopping malls because I could neither concentrate on my studies nor stay around doing nothing at home. Also to cheer myself up, I figured. There was a really nice-looking shirt that I chanced upon a few weeks ago and it was out of stock the second time I revisited the store. This time I thought I should try a few other branches to see whether they have it. I couldn't find it. Oh well.

I visited a bookstore after my unfruitful search for my "dream shirt". I was dressed in all black and a man, after scanning the titles in the "Mysteries & Thriller" section, looked up, saw me and asked me: "Do you have any Sandra Brown here?" I stared at him and told him I had no idea ("tak taulah bang"). Another man in the "Classics" section tore open the saran wrap of a book, looked up, saw me and paused for a very long moment. I pretended I didn't see him. Both patrons must've mistaken me for a member of the staff due to my attire. I wasn't offended or annoyed, just mildly amused by these encounters.

Look what I bumped into!

The best day out of all fifteen days would be the fourth, when I reconnected with some of my high school friends. Suffice it to say that I never wanted that day to end. It was that good, but I won't put it down in words. Words will only imprison the memory of that day, instead of breathing life into it. Allow me to be a little selfish, and keep it to myself.

My phone's camera somehow took this artistically blurred image.

Hate

Something I learned in one of my classes today and it's too good not to share:

Hate and love are two sides of the same coin. When you love somebody, your thoughts and emotions are heavily invested in them. Similarly, when you hate somebody, all you could think of is their name - sometimes you even repeat it in your mind like a mantra or a prayer to God. Even if you meet that somebody at a party, you'd be paying a lot of attention to and wasting mental effort on them, like noting where they are and checking whether they wear the same shirt as you. In both cases of love and hate, you care enough about that person to let them inhabit your mind.

Can hatred turn into love? Well, obviously there was a logical reason for you to hate somebody in the first place. When you remove that reason to hate, a gap is created. You have the 'leftover' hormones and a huge hole, but you're unable to make sense of this. So you'd probably think that you love that person you used to hate.

You know the best way to get back at somebody? Not with hate, because that suggests that you care so much about them that you let them into your head. Be indifferent to them. The next time you meet that somebody who irritated you, like your ex, don't respond to their threats, taunts and snide comments. See what an effect you will produce, simply by denying them the pleasure of getting a rise out of you. Essentially, you're telling them: "I don't give a damn about you. You're not worth my time to hate you. You're beneath my hate."

We are born with the ability to hate, but the key issue here is how far we want to go with hating someone or something, or not at all.