People wait all week for Friday, all year for summer, all life for happiness.
Happiness is overrated. We put in so much effort trying to be happy and when we fall short of that goal, we end up feeling unhappy (ironic huh). I realised from a very young age that I just seem not hardwired to feel happiness intensely. Anxiety and melancholy are more familiar companions, while happiness is like a distant cousin who visits irregularly. This works out fine for me, because when I do feel happy, after a long spell of living with negative emotions, it is all the more genuine and welcoming, like rain after a drought.
If I think about it deeper, this is actually unhealthy. Why? Because there lurk two assumptions: happiness is "earned" and happiness is beyond my control. First, in order for me to be happy, I have to go through various ordeals, like working long hours during the weekdays then only getting to unwind during the weekend. Happiness, then, is a consequence - something has to happen before I can be happy. Second, in order for me to be happy, I have to wait for someone else to bestow it on me, like getting a paycheck at the end of the month, or getting a gift on my birthday, or praying hard until something I desire happens. Happiness, in this regard, occurs only on special occasions when someone else decides to be, well, generous.
It doesn't have to be like that, I soon realised. I don't have to "save it for later" every time something good comes along. I don't have to endure life before I enjoy it. I can take small steps finding joy in every day. Taking coffee when I feel like savouring the taste of it, not just to keep myself awake. Reading another chapter of whatever book I'm currently enjoying. Listening to songs that match my mood of the moment, but not putting them on repeat. Setting aside some personal time at the end of the day, doing what I feel like doing - could be reading, could be another episode of TV drama, could be refreshing news updates on my phone. Monitoring my expenses so I don't splurge on impulse purchases and don't skimp on basic necessities. Cutting down on stress eating, specifically junk food and caffeinated drinks. Getting afternoon naps during the weekends. Being more mindful of what I speak so I don't offend other people or put myself in a bad situation. Organising and cleaning my room to minimise clutter and dust. Spending quality time with family and close friends. Visiting new places to eat/drink during lunch breaks.
Writing this out has made me understand that there are so many ways to make myself happy. Accumulating possessions makes me happy, but this kind of materialistic happiness wears off quickly and is tiresome to maintain. Gaining new experiences and tending to my physical, mental as well as spiritual needs also makes me happy, but they are harder to achieve on a daily basis without conscious effort. Happiness is complex, happiness is fleeting, happiness is not always better than unhappiness. What's the point, then? I think the pursuit of happiness means different things for different people, and if trying to be happy makes you unhappy, then you better go after "what feels right to you" instead of "what should make you happy".
Don't pursue happiness, if it doesn't make you happy.
